The strong-willed child

I’ve been reading the Strong-willed Child by Dr. James Dobson.  I think that I am in love with this man and I recommend the book heartily.  It’s been a surprisingly fast read!

There are a few places that his writing brought me to the verge of tears: Talking about other books that are “polly-anna” in regard to parenting difficult children he said, “The was no acknowledgement that some mothers and fathers go to bed at night with  pounding, throbbing headache, wondering how parenthood became such an exhausting and nerve-wracking experience... It is reassuring to verbalize the guilt and anxiety which conscientious mothers and fathers commonly feel.  They are engaged in an all-out tug of war which leaves them frustrated and fatigued.  No one told them that parenthood would be this difficult, and they blame themselves for the tension that arises.  They had planned to be such loving and effective parents, reading fairy stories to their pajama-clad angels by the fireplace.  The difference between life as it is and life as it ought to be is a frightening and distressing bit of reality.”

And: “I am especially sympathetic with the mother who is raising a toddler or two and an infant at the same time.  There is no more difficult assignment on the face of the earth.  Husbands who recognize this fact can help their wives feel understood, loved and supported in the vital jobs they are doing.”

I’ve read a decent number of child-rearing books and I haven’t seen someone put these concepts so plainly.  They are ones I deal with all the time!

The sad news is that after reading some of the specific cases that parents have written about with their children I am now wondering if mine are strong-willed at all!  They are stubborn, smart and active but not particularly defiant or seeming completely demon-possessed.  I get this same impression when I watch t.v. Shows like Supernanny or Nanny 911.

I think I have good kids.  Which means that I’m just a major crybaby who needs a swift kick in the pants when I get overwhelmed by parenting!

That being said, let me tell you about what my dear cherubs have done today.

Mia is very into theological discussions right now.  I think it’s par for the age – we had some friends over for dinner on Friday night and after we told the kids to have a conversation over dinner we (the parents) got to listen to Mia (3) and Emma (4) give each other their takes on God, Jesus, Easter and Christmas.  It was incredibly hilarious to hear – they were both passionately involved in the subject.  Their little sisters, Maggie and Jenna (both 2) would pipe up every once in awhile with a “Jesus!” or “God!” but overall the two bigger ones were in charge and had it all figured out.

Maybe not all figured out... On our way home from church today Mia announced that in the movie, Elf, which we watched to and from Arizona at Christmas, at the end Buddy says the “holy spirit” is gone.  I was puzzled, Isaiah was puzzled, and then we suddenly realized she meant “holiday spirit.”  We got a good chuckle out of that one!

Then, Maggie fell asleep while listening to a cd of children’s songs.  “The Ants Go Marching” came on and in complete sleep she began to sing along with the bum-pah-pahs of the chorus.  It was quite, quite funny.

Which made it easier to put up with Maggie tearing the paper of the crayons and Mia coloring on my planner pages once we got home.

They’re both now sitting in front of the fireplace and Mia has a piece of paper to take Maggie’s “order.”  Maggie is trying to put a beaded necklace around Mia’s head.  It’s not working so well, but they’re having fun.

And I can’t complain about anything.


JJ