I am Clean.

When I got up and checked my phone after the girl’s nap today and saw I had missed calls from both Mia and Maggie’s teachers, I had a sense of uneasiness.

When I checked the messages and returned the calls my unease grew to dread. There has been an outbreak at school. Scabies.

Up until today I had no idea what “scabies” was. I had a vague impression that it was something that had to do with poor nutrition, sailors, rickets, citrus and sore gums. Don’t know why, but that’s what I thought.

Now I know better. Scabies are little parasites that dig under the skin and create a VERY CONTAGIOIUS rash. Someone in Mia’s classroom and someone in the other two-year-old classroom that Maggie shares circle time with have come down with this condition.

It’s a condition that takes 4-6 weeks to make itself apparent. And a week and a half ago we had everyone in Mia’s classroom over for her birthday party.

Which, in my highly paranoid mind, means we’re all going to get scabies and our house should be condemned.

After making sheepish phone calls to the parents of Mia’s non-school related friends to alert them that they may have shared more than good times at the birthday party, I started on a cleaning streak that will not end for several days, I’m sure.

Here’s what I know so far.

• One can of Lysol can be used to disinfect a bedroom, but after a thorough spraying you need to purchase another can of Lysol to handle the sofas, tables, and piano where little urchin, scabies fingers may have touched under party conditions.
• Every article of clothing, toys, baby blanket, etc. the girls possess can fit into four plastic tubs and will take about six loads of laundry to disinfect.
• Plastic coated pillow protectors should not be put in the dryer. They begin to disintegrate. But the mattress protectors weather the washing and drying process quite well.
• It takes time to use a Clorox wipe on every page of every book that is in your child’s bedroom.
• If a woman is moments shy of eight months pregnant and undertakes a cleaning of this magnitude her hips lock up, her feet swell, and her temperament sours.

But, if her children are little comics, that helps her see the light in the situation.

For example, I’m very curious to know who the culprit(s) are! The school can’t tell us because of privacy, but I figured I can get the information from Mia and Maggie. I started with Mia because she’s usually more logical and she definitely has a better vocabulary.

Me: So, Mia, was anyone sick yesterday at school, did they have a rash?

Mia: No.

Me: Are you sure?

Mia: Yes. But Lauren* and Gretchen*, they were sick day before yesterday and then they were better yesterday. (She doesn’t go to school every day so I knew this was faulty timing. But thought I’d just work with it.)

Me: OK. Well, Mia, do you itch anywhere?

Mia: No.

Me: Are you sure?

Mia: Well, I itched this morning but I don’t itch anymore. The thing was, I had a chicken bone caught in my throat. Just a little one (she held her fingers about 1/4 inch apart to describe how little the chicken bone was) but I coughed and now I feel fine.

Me: OK.

(I sighed, certain that I had just gotten the most information I was going to get at this point.)

Mia: But I know who has the scabies germ!

Me: Really! Who is it?

Mia: Gretchen.*

Me: Really?! Why do you think so? Was she itching?

Mia: No, she wasn’t itchy. But her voice is funny. It’s definitely her.

And, so, my friends, that is the end of that. I will live in a state of questioning, cleaning, itch-fearing anxiety until I get more answers.

But I do feel fairly confident that you could eat off of our floors right now. We’ve become very, VERY clean! Not that that will help, but it at least makes me feel better. I'm just praying we don't get hit by this little adventure.

*Names changed to protect the potentially innocent little children.

JJ