9 Rules for Baby Time

I spent the bulk of this afternoon lying on my side and counting contractions, wondering if I was going to be headed to the hospital for a little face-to-face with our third child. So far, she's still in there and the contractions have eased, but the experience gave me the incentive to think about what my expectations are for the students on campus with the new baby.

Our students are awesome. I love them. And some of them are completely perfect and others... well, they don't seem to have an idea of what may or may not be offensive or appropriate in certain situations. (Like... ask me before you just start rubbing my stomach. It's still my body. Just because it sticks out more now doesn't mean that it's not awkward for you to pet my belly.)

You might think I'd just have the baby and life would go on, but I've realized that I have rules. I'm rigid and stressed out and quirky and I feel a need to share these things with students who may not realize how our family works. So I'd like to test them out on you and you can honestly tell me if I'm being ridiculous.

Deal?

You've got to be honest. If I'm being harsh, tell me. If you approve of the list - or even have some rules of your own! - share with me! Then when I sail off to the hospital I can post the rules on facebook and people will have an idea. (Yes, I communicate with the student population on facebook regularly. I've completely given up the idea of relationships without technology. Sad.)

Here we go:

#1: Don't just "drop by" to visit me in the hospital. Now, I might want a visit. It's entirely possible. But in general I'm going to be bloated and puffy and have an incision through my midsection, not really a situation I want vague acquaintances to see. Additionally, if you visit you're going to want to hold the baby. I understand the desire, but if I don't know you really, really well - I don't want you touching my newborn. Even if I know you really, really well, I expect you to bathe in sanitizer before getting near her. When in doubt, call or text my husband and get permission for the visit.

#2. I'm a germophobe. I look at everyone around my newborn as a carrier of something. So don't kiss her. Don't touch her hand, where she can navigate that appendage into her mouth and catch something. Touch her on her clothing. Don't breath all over her. If you have a cough, a sniffle, a fever, pink eye, scabies, or anything contagious at all - don't get near my child. Your sniffle can spread through my family and take us all out for a long time of grumpy agony. I'm already not getting sleep, working two part-time jobs, raising two active children, and doing my best to have a coherent thought. My husband is working full-time, a full-time master's student, and a three-quarter time coach. We do not have time to rearrange our lives and upset our schedule because you want to slobber on our child and then go about your business.

#3. Don't expect that if you see her on campus you're entitled to hold her. Don't ask me non-stop if you can hold her. If you can, I will offer her to you. Refer to the germophobe issue. Everyone is suspicious to me.

#4. Don't baby pass - EVER. If I do offer her to you to hold, that's for YOU. YOU ONLY. Don't pass the baby to the next person who rushes over, coos, and makes you feel guilty. If you can't be strong on this, don't hold the baby. It's ok to blame me. Refer to the germophobe issue. Everyone is suspicious to me.

#5. Yes, I'm being nit-picky, but it's my right and my responsibility. I have just spent nine months of my life incubating this little life. It is the most precious thing I have ever done. She has destroyed my abdomen, spread my hips, caused me to cry at every touching moment I've seen in the past year, fight with my husband, and question my sanity. I'm happy to do go through this - but realize that that child is more important to me than anything. I'm allowed to be a bit psycho with my protection of her.

#6. Don't ignore my other children because you're obsessed with the newness of this one. Mia and Maggie are fully aware and excited about Mikayla coming. They're awesome kids. Say hi to them. Don't make them resent the baby because you can't divide your attention enough to speak to them. Please.

#7. Don't just grab my children and swing them around. They are human beings. They like to be asked if they want a hug. Don't take their ability to make choices away from them.

#8. Don't EVER take my children out of my eyesight without checking first. I don't trust people, I know my children will take advantage of your kindness, and I like being able to see them. All of the time. If you want to go somewhere, just ask!

#9. If you're a student, don't stop by the house without checking first. I will probably be in pajamas for the majority of the time and sporting a hairdo that looks like I stuck my finger in an electric socket. Give me a chance to get presentable. Please.


All this to say - we do consider the college students our family and we love them, but in this particular season of life we want to be selective and set up boundaries. We ease up on these rules as the babies get older and less prone to possible death by germs. We like people and want them to be involved in our lives. In fact, there are so many times that we would not have been able to make it without the giving of the students and love around us. We are very blessed.

Just please. Please. Let us have a chance to have a little space, too.

So, what do you think? I feel very grumpy about these rules, but I'm also being honest. Now it's your turn - tell me if I'm off-base or right on!