I still hate swings

I had lunch with Mia at school today.

She's been begging me to come for the half hour time slot for weeks and today it worked out.  So, I trotted into the cafeteria, spotted her and wedged myself onto a child-sized round seat for quality time with my eldest.

Mia's smile was huge.  

Her friends were talkative.

It was as though I was famous, I was the center of attention.  Never have I been so adored by beings as tall as my waist.  Nor have I ever been subject to so much minutia of preschool life.

I now know that Aundreya has an orange cat named Pebbles.

Jacy lives on a farm and has three horses.

Jackson went to a football game and they let a cannon off and it was really, REALLY loud.  But in a funny way, not a scary way.

Caidon has a super hero on his shirt.

Jackson likes nachos but doesn't have a dog.

Katy H. likes breadsticks ok but really likes Jello.

There was so much to process that my head was spinning.  The demand for my attention was overwhelming.  I was the popular kid at the lunch table.

Mia's smile was HUGE.

So when she asked me if I would come to recess and her teacher gave me the affirmative nod, I said yes.  And that, my friends, is how I got suckered into swinging EIGHT preschoolers for recess.

I hate swings.  Loathe swings.  Little preschoolers from other classes saw me at the swings and came flocking to my side, begging for pushes.

"Look at that slide!" I pleaded.  "Don't you want to go on the slide?!"

Nope.  "Push me, Mia's Mommy!" was all I heard in response.

So I trotted up and down two sets of swings, pushing little backsides and wondering if I would get arrested for inappropriate touching and how on Earth the teachers standing watch get out of this every day. The teachers were laughing at me.

I kept suggesting the slide.  The monkey bars.  The squeaky bridge.  Anything but the swings.

Finally, I just quit.  Grabbed Mia's hand and walked away.

My groupies followed me, telling me about how they learned to pump their legs swinging.  And that they couldn't zip their coat quite yet but they were working on it.  And, and, and…

Finally the whistle blew, we lined up and the little munchkins went inside.  Time for a story and nap time.

Same for me.  I'm telling a story, then headed for a nap.  Please.

The fact that swings exist are proof of evil in this world.  The end.