Sneak Attack

I will never receive the "World's Best Housekeeper" award.

It goes beyond burning the bananas.

There was the one time in college where I went an entire semester without washing my sheets because I used my quarters at the Coke machine. (Yes, the Coca-Cola addiction runs deep)

Then, in the time when I didn't have a dishwasher, I was once too lazy and busy to wash my dishes for.... Ahem... an extended amount of time. I'm pretty sure that mold grew, flourished, and died of malnutrition in my sink before my shame rectified that situation.

In recent years I have turned over a new leaf. In fact, I now care deeply about the cleanliness of my home and the possible organisms within, like scabies.

But the last few weeks of traveling for soccer have taken the "oomph" out of my housework motivation. As it stands right now the love seat is covered with laundered but unfolded clothing, the dining room table is covered in mail, and every time Mikayla scoots on the wood floors she comes up covered in dog hair, dust, and Cheerios.

It became evident that something needs to change when Jessica arrived at our house this afternoon and I walked into the guest room.

The sheets are clean and the carpet is vacuumed, but you might recall I made a trip to Costco in Nebraska?

Yeah, it looks like the bulk warehouse has exploded like a volcano in the bedroom. Toilet paper, diapers, trash bags, dishwasher detergent, peanut butter, jelly, corn and green beans have taken over the desk, while the 75 gallon jug of animal crackers has staked out the desk chair.

It's an ugly scene. I'm so glad Jessica has known me long enough to be forgiving!

(In fact, Jessica has known me since we moved to Oklahoma. I was waddlingly pregnant with Maggie at the first soccer games and so hot I had frozen the air conditioner in the apartment twice. Some students were watching the game from the water-filled bed of a pickup truck. I didn't know a soul sitting there, but asked if I could get in and cool my cankles down. They said yes. Jessica was one of the students. She thought it was cool that I was so outgoing, not realizing that I was so overheated and desperate for relief I would have hopped in there even if they were multicolored, spotted lepers.)

Jessica will have to be forgiving of more than just my questionable housekeeping skills after this weekend. As we were sitting at dinner, Maggie staged a surprise attack and grabbed her from behind, managing to accidentally yet thoroughly grope her chest.

Jessica was... Um... Surprised.

Maggie was delighted that her attack caused such a ruckus.

(Remember when Mia taught me what the word "credit-carding" means?!)

Jessica, with grace, processed the assault by simply saying:

"Oh my! That was so sudden! And... so… sneaky!"

I'm blessed by the awesomeness of the people we know - and their sense of humor!

(P.S. Isaiah just read this and announced that he never washed his sheets more than once a semester in college. Bletch! He thought that was just the way you did things in college. Don't worry, I have 90% ownership of laundry responsibilities now and we definitely don't follow his schedule.)