I genuinely love Grandpapa, the French man with warm hugs, a smile he passed down to his grandson, squealing hearing aids and hairy ears. From the moment I met him, he had a piece of my heart as I claimed him as my own.
We visited Grandpapa in the hospital today - he was admitted Thursday for observation after experiencing chest pains and had a heart attack Thursday night. They discovered he has six clogged arteries. Today he was in good spirits, touched that we were there, and confident about the outcome of the surgery.
I am confident as well. I have no scientific or medical backing for this and I know heart surgery is serious business, more so for a man who is 84 and has followed the vast majority of the meals in his lifetime with various forms of stinky cheeses. I just feel it's not his time to go!
It is uncanny that we are looking eternity in the eye on New Year's Day. It has definitely impacted my thinking about resolutions. Here's what I've got so far:
• Make decisions based on what should be done, not on what's most convenient.
• Simplify. Minimize. There's enough stress in our lives to fell an elephant. Identify priorities and act accordingly.
• Finish & submit the book proposal. Attend at least one writer's conference.
• Remove the lard from my mid section.
• Be a more thoughtful & considerate wife and mother.
• Call my family more frequently.
• Try to make my natural resting facial expression a smile.
• Truly know that life, no matter what stage we are in, is fragile. Choose to live in confidence rather than fear.
• Be involved in something bigger than my life, my family, my job. Accept that life is not about ME.
As I type I'm in the back of the Suburban, wedged between two sleeping kiddos in booster seats and looking at Mikayla, my husband, mom and dad (yes, I am getting texting thumb pain). We're driving through Arizona mountains, following the taillights of other northbound travelers.
As I look at each person in the vehicle I feel a separate, unique, overpowering love for them. It makes me feel so inadequate! How can I ever love them enough, in the ways they need? Sometimes my love is so large it feels like I will break into one thousand pieces because my cup overfloweth. Other times I just feel inept, knowing that they are so amazing and deserve so much more love than I possess.
So, a last resolution...
• To love as fully, as completely, as presently as I can yet give myself grace for the many, many times I will fail.
Happy New Year to you and yours! May 2011 be a time where you live your life to the fullest!
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