A trip!

Now, I know it's out of character for me to be a braggart and all… And I really don't want you to be jealous or overcome with the green-eyed monster… But…

I spent two days this weekend in a very pricey, full-service establishment! Isaiah took me there spontaneously on Saturday night and I didn't come home until yesterday. While I was there I had room service for every single meal, the décor was specifically chosen for a restful experience, I had a gal committed to coming the my door at the push of a button, and the bed was completely adjustable so I was able to raise and lower my head and feet at a whim!

What an experience!

As amazing as it was, I found my critical nature rearing its ugly head.

If you are by chance confused, the reality of my weekend is that it appears I poisoned myself.

For real.

I ate about a tablespoon of sour cream and veggie dip from the refrigerator and started feeling funny about an hour later. Then I started – ahem – losing fluids quickly (I counted 13 episodes of vomiting in one hour when I was still counting). Four hours into this gastrointestinal disaster Isaiah carried me from the house to the car and then to the Emergency Room.

In retrospect I know I was delirious because not only could I not walk, but my muscles were cramping and in order to relieve them I was determined to lay down, wallowing on the floor of the ER triage. I can only imagine the number of germs that were on that floor and would only have touched it if I was out of my head!

Much drama ensued in which my veins were too small to get an IV going, they had to use a catheter to give me a pregnancy test, I threw up on the X-Ray technician, my blood pressure dropped below 50, my kidneys began to fail, and I told my husband that the IV bag was doing ballet (with a partner IV bag) and it was quite graceful and that the ceiling was moving like the waves of the ocean.

I'm happy to report that I'm not pregnant. And I'm not dead.

But since coming home I have thrown everything in my refrigerator that has been there longer than about four days away. Which means that the ice cream toppings that have been there for two years had to go. And the gout juice left by a visitor. And I'm eying the salsa jars suspiciously.

After my stint in the hospital I came home to the discovery that my dear sweet little cherubs had done their best to provide a welcome home celebration. That included taking every article of clothing from their closet and the clean laundry pile and strewing it on the floor of their bedroom so that they could choose the perfect outfits. Oh… And Isaiah found a miniature barrette in Mikayla's diaper after it completed its own gastrointestinal journey. It used to be orange.

This is the girls bedroom after they spent about an hour cleaning up!

It doesn't help that our coat rack broke on Saturday as well so all of our coats and sweatshirts are in a heap!

So, although I desperately missed my kiddos while I was gone I missed them much less when I got home. Instead I focussed my love and affection on the newest members of the family, who, while not confidently housebroken yet, at least have the sensitivity to sit down and go to sleep when I tell them to!

Samantha is our little 5 year old. She missed me while I was gone and has decided she's my special friend.

This is our Penny. She's 3 months old and determined to make Isaiah like poodles. She won't leave him alone. He's falling for it... slowly...

The hero of the day was my husband who managed many, many details in order to make sure I received care! I have married a good, good man. I've married a man who figuratively saved my life when he chose me as his partner, but now has quite possibly actually saved me.

But I can't let his head get too big, so, to Isaiah, my charming husband, here are some items to consider if this ever happens again:

• Please choose a location for our quiet vacation that does not include the words "Medical Center" in it's title. "Hilton," "Doubletree," or "Hyatt" are preferable.
• Give me some warning. Truthfully, four hours is not enough time to adequately prepare for time away from home. I didn't pack a thing – not even a hairbrush. I'd really like to look my best at all times. For you, of course!
• If we're going to have room service, I'd like steak. Medium rare. And cheesecake. Getting a full tray of food and uncovering it to discover chicken broth was disappointing. And there is just no way to adequately dress up rice and bread. I'm pretty sure those meals were not a good buy.
• While I loved the individual attention, I do wish you would put in a request for a massage rather than manhandling and having my blood drawn regularly. My arms are now covered in bruises and what do I have to show for it, hm??? Not a chance I can wear a sleeveless shirt (andnevermind that it's wintertime in Oklahoma. That's not the point.)
• Finally, I do not appreciate it that the doctor who told me I had to stay an extra day was actually an actor named Rico Suave from General Hospital. If you want one-on-one time with your children you can just ask for it instead of bribing a native Spanish-speaking 30-something to keep me corralled.

I am on bedrest until Monday. Which means that today I went to Taco Bell and Wal-Mart and felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. And yet, somehow, I find myself still awake at 11:30 because I've been working. Today I hate my job. That's all.