Resistant, not Proof

Tonight I discovered why most countries have laws against infant drug use.

I've seen the results of this hedonistic lifestyle and it ain't pretty.

Another way to put it is to state that there's a common misconception out there that medication bottles are child proof.  As poison control told me around 5 p.m., they are child resistant, an important distinction.

Whichever way you want to put it, somehow or another my baby celebrated the arrival of her 10th month of life by breaking through a child resistant pill bottle, downing some drugs, and getting stoned.

I have the pictures to prove it.

Our drugged baby 4.5 hours after the fact.  Her eyes are still that wide.  All the time.

This evening, as the baby was pulling my pants down around my knees while I tried to make a culinary masterpiece also known as spaghetti, I tossed her a random assortment of toys.  She was much more interested in climbing my pants than playing with toys.

I was desperate, I never guessed she had the genetic code of a raccoon, and I tossed her a tightly capped bottle of prescription drugs to rattle.

Five milliseconds later I looked over and saw that she was surrounded by little pills.  In her mouth were white balls of drug.

Thank goodness I didn't wet my pants. There was more at stake than my bladder control.

I grabbed her, washed the drugs out of her mouth, gathered the pills, which she was trying to nab out of my hands for a second helping, and called poison control.

My husband arrived home to find me on the phone with poison control, Mia and Maggie mucking through mud in the backyard and spaghetti doing its best to burn.

I've read that the happiest husbands are those who come home to food on the table and a quiet, calm family.  Yeah, my husband doesn't really get a chance to experience that.

Long story short, we ended up in the ER after an observation time with Poison Control and a desperate text message and phone conversation to my sister's best friend, who just happens to be one of the best pediatric doctors in the nation.

I am really, really sick of the ER.  And I'm really, really sick of our insurance co-pay, which must be satisfied for each member of our family separately.

But all of my sickness is irrelevant in light of the fact that my baby is A-OK.  She'll be drugged until well into the day tomorrow, but she's going to make it!

So, what have I learned from this little adventure?

• Child resistant, not child proof.
• Poison Control should be trusted.  Apparently doctors call them for recommendations.
• Keep your phone book handy.  Even though the internet is awesome, a phone book just feels good safest in an emergency.
• Emergency funds go quickly when you feel like the ER is your home away from home.
• Asking people to pray over Facebook and Twitter really works.  By the time we saw the doctor Mikayla was responding again.  Amazing!